The Perpetual Soliloquy

Vehicular mans LAUGHTER

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 15:19:00 -0800

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well I finally did it! After such a lengthy delay, I passed my driving exam and got my license! There were numerous times when I thought this task to be insurmountable, but much to my surprise…things went well for a change! How the hell was I supposed to know that would happen?

This is a monumental achievement for someone like me. What with my anxieties, phobias and my glitched set of nerves, it seemed like a pipe-dream. Well hell, sometimes it feels great to be wrong. Not to mention everything I’ve been going through as of late with my ex and my disemboweled confidence. I was finally given mouth-to-mouth by the universe and it was sorely needed. I kept my word from before and am bettering myself bit by bit while staying true to my core. Now I’m on the trail of a car to acquire and hope to find a decent one to kick things off with.

Priority number one, priority number one.

Start your engines!

And here we are yet again. My spiritual avatar, also known as...

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:31:11 -0800

And here we are yet again. My spiritual avatar, also known as Harvey Pekar.. preaching that acid-tinged gospel like it’s nobody’s business. Unless you’re not picking up what I’m putting down by posting this clip, then I’m still feeling a wee bit of hurt from my sunken relationship. I’m tryin’ folks, I’m tryin’.

I promise more positive content next time.

This scene grabbed my world by the throat as a child. It was too...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:25:07 -0800

This scene grabbed my world by the throat as a child. It was too much awesome to process at the tender age of 6. Holy crap.

Don’t pay me any mind, just having a nostalgia moment.

Can’t sleep. In that case; tea, book, ibuprofen....

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 02:01:39 -0800

Can’t sleep. In that case; tea, book, ibuprofen. Let’s rock.

KILLING JOKE - ANOTHER BLOODY ELECTION “Rosette and campaign trails False gestures. too much...

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:06:57 -0800

KILLING JOKE - ANOTHER BLOODY ELECTION

“Rosette and campaign trails False gestures. too much make-up Elected to serve the public How did you make your fortune? I love your cheesy smile Please will you kiss my baby More cars and endless car parks Planning permission granted
Another bloody election Another bloody election
Cover-ups. official statements Digest my gospel headlines Marilyn committed suicide Some nut blew JFK away Mr. Murdoch cares for orphans McDonalds goes eco-friendly I’m cynical of you There’s millions like me too
Another bloody election Another bloody election
Another bloody election”

Off we go…

Happy Halloween everybody! My contribution this year, I’m...

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 20:46:35 -0700

Happy Halloween everybody! My contribution this year, I’m rather happy with it.

Severance Package or: The Long Halloween

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 22:05:00 -0700

“Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality.” - Bukowski

Well, that about does her, I guess. End of an era.

Two weeks ago right on the button, me and my girlfriend split up due to a harrowing treasure trove of problems and misguided emotions. We had breached the 2 year mark and while many relationships are shot directly in the head, it seems ours died from death by a thousand cuts. I’ve let loose gallons of tears, kept myself up a cluster of nights, drank more alcohol than I can normally endure, unloaded everything to friends and yet, there’s no catharsis in sight. I understand it’ll probably be a while before I’m able to obtain some of that, I’m no fool. Still, excruciating is excruciating, any way you wanna tear it.

I could use this as a soapbox to climb on and verbally rip the character of my ex to shreds, but I’m not going to do that. It just isn’t my style. Basically, the meat of the issue is that she had a more stable career than I did. I was trying everything in my power to get there as well and meet her halfway. She wanted children, us to live together, the whole enchilada. I promised her all these things, but that I needed some time to get everything sorted. She made me feel lower than dirt for being who I am regardless of my efforts. During the last five months, there was nothing underneath my feet except eggshells. Worst of all, she felt justified and satisfied in treating me this way.

On one hand, I can understand her frustrations. Though, I can think of about ten million better ways to handle it than the method she chose, but what do I know? In the end, she felt I was hurting her instead of helping her on this pilgrimage. So here I sit, about 4 shots of Gentleman Jack in… and all I’m going to say is that I was a guy who treated her better than anyone ever had (her verbatim), showed her things she never knew existed (her verbatim) and that I loved her profusely. I always backed her, asked about her day, made her happiness and well-being my ultimate concern. Though all of it was for naught it seems. I’m not perfect, Hell, I’m anything but. I told her this from the genesis of our relationship and it appears that she was stricken with buyer’s remorse deep into it.

So we ended it on mutual terms (her bottling up issues and shoving me away and my jaded irritation of being treated like a leper) and that’s all, folks. Then right as the rain, I got the obligatory “can we still be friends?” crock. Only offer I got.

Love is like any other drug, you stop using and eventually you’re going to have withdrawals. Completely inescapable.

I’m staying as optimistic as I can considering and I’m marching forward just focusing on myself right now. Bettering me and bettering my outlook. There have been some mornings I didn’t want to even get out of bed and some nights where I felt like doing a cannonball off of a cliff, but I know that’s just the angst talking.

Feeling good is my ultimate concern now.

Snapped this lovely photo while camping with friends up at El...

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 03:29:10 -0700

Snapped this lovely photo while camping with friends up at El Capitan state beach in the Santa Barbara area. Hope this doesn’t come off as filler, but I’m still getting my bearings for another real post. These things can take time.

Photo

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 16:37:20 -0700

The 11th Hour

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:16:00 -0700

As ‘The Times They Are a-Changin’ plays softly on my stereo, I type this: My last will and testament. Quart of Bourbon, check. Smith & Wesson, check.

Okay, okay. I won’t be that melodramatic about it, nevertheless… tomorrow I turn 30. Thirty years old. Wow, as many times as I even attempt to practice saying it, it still seems so bizarre. Almost as if such an arcane number always only existed in illusory myth and was by no possible means reachable. Yet, here we are.

As you can probably gather, I’ve been in a pretty analytical and retrospective mood the last few weeks leading up to tonight. Standing at the dichotomy of optimism and pessimism. Part of me regrets letting my twenties be dominated by directionless misadventures and unproductive hijinx. The other half wants to take and use that decade as a teaching tool. I say focusing on the latter is the wiser choice.

I’m no fighter by any means. At least not in the physical sense, but if I’ve made it this far I’d say I’ve got quite a few more good rounds in me. So yes, I’m sitting in my corner stool and spitting in the bucket, but I’m storming back in with both of my hands cocked. Goodbye, roarin’ 20’s! You were ~~sensational~~ fun, but your chapter has concluded.

Onto the next level. Which is having my dinner from now on at 4:30 in the afternoon. Golden years, baby! Golden years…

“The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 02:20:00 -0700

“The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us” - Ray Bradbury

This ones for Mr. Bradbury. One of the true great literary virtuosos of of our time.

Here we have my old copy of Fahrenheit 451. I burned and charred it myself to add to the theme of the story nearly 10 years ago now. Eh, what can I say really? It just felt right.

Thank you for everything, sir! Godspeed.

Ventured over to the Natural History Museum with the ladyfriend...

Sun, 06 May 2012 22:57:36 -0700

Ventured over to the Natural History Museum with the ladyfriend last week for both nostalgia-sake as well as the new Dinosaur exhibit which opened last summer. Better late than never I suppose. I took it as a good omen for the plans I have for my college campaign this fall.

My eye is certainly fixed on the prize.

Monkey Wrench

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 15:20:00 -0700

Best-laid plans right?

It never ceases to amuse me how we are able to conjure up a bouquet of ideas or goals only to watch them all dismantle before our very eyes. Even the simplest, most feasible plans are cut off at the knees more often than not.

I don’t really care to get into specifics at this particular juncture, but mine are rife at this point. I seem to come across booby trap after booby trap, landmine after landmine along the path I lay down before me. Evermore.

If I’m writing this now, then overtly, I am not content or pleased with my current place in this world. I strongly feel that a change in structure and routine are needed direly if I’m to break out of this rut I constantly find myself embedded in. This, accompanied by a few other factors are why it’s been so long since my last entry here. I’ve barely had the energy or care to let anything spill out. Apathy is a crowded hotel, but there’s always vacancy.

Things are bound to clear up though. Positivity isn’t exactly my pack of smokes, but I’ll give it a shot. Why not.

I Got the Triage Blues (reprise)

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:56:19 -0800

This was more or less my face for 14 hours while anchored at the Hospital, or as I like to call it: “Pep Boys for Human Beings”. And yes, you read that right… 14 hours. 14 glorious, MAGICAL hours. Taking into consideration my lack of sleep the night prior, the early appointment time itself, the concern I had for my father’s outcome, trying to keep my mother sane and the paralyzingly humdrum task of basically acting as a decoration until the whole ordeal comes to an end, it’s understandable.

Thankfully, my fathers surgery was a success and we were able to get the hell out of dodge. He’s got one more surgery down the pike and that should wrap up this situation once and for all. Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat could I use a stiff drink. If my stomach wasn’t such a dilapidated junk-pile held together mainly with gum and tape, I’d be having one right now.

Oh well, c’est la vie.

My mind must be dissolving in my upper years, it seems I never...

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 13:21:00 -0800

My mind must be dissolving in my upper years, it seems I never actually made an introduction here on tumblr. Huh.

Well, instead of getting too Helter Skelter with a biography… pretty much anything anyone could ever hope to know about me is presented in this clip from American Splendor and the film in it’s entirety, really. It was the first time I actually felt exposed while watching a movie. Eerie.

Hunter Rose, the most feared mob kingpin in the world. Cower...

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 18:39:30 -0800

Hunter Rose, the most feared mob kingpin in the world. Cower before his dominion!

This was just a quick sketch that randomly occurred as a result of me staying up past my bedtime. See what happens?

Rubicon or: Rantings from Behind the Eight-ball

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 13:47:00 -0800

“Ignorance is king. Many would not profit by his abdication. Many enrich themselves by means of his dark monarchy. They are his Court, and in his name they defraud and govern, enrich themselves and perpetuate their power. Even literacy they fear, for the written word is another channel of communication that might cause their enemies to become united. Their weapons are keen-honed, and they use them with skill. They will press the battle upon the world when their interests are threatened, and the violence which follows will last until the structure of society as it now exists is leveled to rubble, and a new society emerges.” - Walter M. Miller Jr.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but boy did it fall in one.

To think where we are as a nation is absolutely nauseating. The escalating issues plaguing us are incalculable and everyone just seems to be taking it with subservient acceptance. Unfortunately, when people do decide to take note, they usually fixate on all the wrong factors. Example: Believe it or not, people still get into verbal boxing matches over the obsolete and counterproductive topic of Republicans vs. Democrats. No, really! This is no joke, it’s actually 2012 and people are still under the illusion that “picking a side” really matters anymore in the grand scale. Amazing.

I only wish the average person would look beyond the Dog & Pony show put on by our “Government” under the ruse of Presidential Elections every 4 years. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a cleverly-crafted red herring as much as the next guy, but all of it is just spiraling out of control now. The reality is that Presidents, at best, are just bad mascots for a demented fellowship of cacodaemoniacal sociopaths. They make it an ongoing task to siphon the very life from mankind as well as the planet for their own miscreant agenda… and they sleep like babies at night. If you’re in the neighborhood and need to unwind a bit, treat yourself and stop by Bohemian Grove during Summer if you’d like that evidence presented on a silver platter. Among other things.

So, can we grow up finally? Can we put away all the coloring books and sippy-cups? Accuse me of being an Anarchist, an Individualist or whatever makes you happy, but it’s beyond apparent that this country is turning into the Hindenburg at a staggering rate, regardless if you’re Team: Donkey or Team: Elephant. However, it’s not only America that’s going off the rails, it’s far more labyrinthine than most even acknowledge: You have banking heads being let go or “stepping down” all across the globe including: China, Germany, Iran, Britain, Kuwait, Russia, Switzerland and Saudi Arabia to name only a few. This is all within proximity of each other to make it worse and mainly due to foul play or scandals. All documented.

Enter stage left: Trilateral Commission revving up the engine of their plot to amalgamate all currencies and put into effect the world dollar, Martial-Law bills being green lit, Agenda 21 slowly coiling itself around liberty’s throat in Boa fashion… therefor leaving us at the mercy of comic book villains come to life. As inconceivable as that may sound, it’s pure gospel and happening this very moment in plain sight and down to the nanosecond. So please, start being realistic. A very dark picture has been painted by these conniving slimebags and unless we start wising up to it, their unabridged hegemony will reach it’s peak and we may just wake up one day living in an Orwellian hellscape. Or worse.

And another thing, I…oh shit, Jersey Shore is on!

A Lamentation for the Brimstone-Biker

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 01:07:00 -0800

Now, it wasn’t exactly my intention to make another entry so soon, but I’ve got a beast on the inside consisting of absolute ire and malice towards the Ghost Rider films and I’ve just got to vent. Sorry.

First off; no need to snap me out of a fugue state, I’m quite aware that I’m not involved in the film industry whatsoever, so I know that my opinion is about as valuable as a counterfeit hand-towel from Taiwan, but still, humor me here. Just how bumbling, stupid and ass-backward can these studio executives be? I fail to see how a congregation of people who supposedly obtain a sharp and “proficient” acumen could possibly miss the mark by miles on a project that has everything but the kitchen sink already going for it.

We’re talking about Marvels first and original supernatural character who’s story, theme and substructure are bubble-wrapped in elements from Faust and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow for crying out loud. Surely they could assemble an appropriate film paying ample respect to the huge fanbase of the comic as well as the copious, multilayered themes of it’s story? Nope. Instead we got a humongous log of shit freshly squeezed out of the anus of the studio.

You could find a chimp with autism, force-feed it a gallon of everclear, crack it over the head with a lead pipe and it would STILL write and direct a better movie than the one I saw back in 2007. As for Nicholas Cage, I’m just going to stop right there before I get too riled up. A ten pound book could be compiled showcasing my animosity for that overacting octogenarian buffoon and how it was probably the worst miscast of the century. I went to see the movie out of pure obligation and nothing more. I knew it was going to be godawful… but since I’m a real fan, I had to suck it up and waste my money and time anyway. So, here we are in 2012 and they finally got around to a sequel, I’ve yet to see it nor do I have the endurance to see my dreams eviscerated onscreen again.

Godspeed, Ghost Rider…you may never escape a systematic raping from Hollywood, but you’ll always be the man to me.

Burn on, brother.

Deleted scene from Mad Men. Photo taken at The London last...

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 23:37:19 -0800

Deleted scene from Mad Men.

Photo taken at The London last Tuesday during Valentines. Hell, I even almost look like I belong at such a classy joint!

The Saint Valentine's Day (near) Massacre

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 20:56:00 -0800

Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Valentine’s Day 2012 is now officially a wrap and it went extremely well. However, I if I said that it wasn’t a berserk odyssey to Hell and back to secure it being ironclad, I would be a bold-faced liar. You see, early last month I got all high and mighty and decided that absolutely nothing would substitute taking my ladyfriend to Gordon Ramsay at The London for the holiday in question. A very wise and savvy choice for such an occasion, that is, if you have the dough.

For me to throw together such a concept while working with a shoestring budget… I must be completely off my rocker. Yet, after a countless myriad of headaches, sleepless nights and creating an ulcer in my gut the size of Michigan, everything actually worked out in the end. I owe a truckload of gratitude to both my family and friends for their support in my quest. Thank you very much.

V-day, I love you and think you’re a blast, but begone and see you next year!